Thursday 31 January 2013

On Writer’s Block

It’s not like I do not have good ideas, in my drafts folder is over a hundred (seriously!) drafts of posts that I want to write about.
It’s not like I do not have the time, my computer is simply doing six months worth of updates so while it is doing that, I am just waiting around for my computer to download the new updates, as well as the Adobe Creative Suite (so far, all I’ve downloaded is Photoshop, 40% of Illustrator is downloaded and I still have several more apps to download, including Premiere Pro, After Effects, InDesign, Fireworks, Audition, SpeedGrade, Prelude and Acrobat) and I should be writing…
It’s that I am not feeling it. I have writer’s block.
Now, I think it could be caused by my trying to post once a day, every day – even to the point of forcing myself to post (which is not a good thing when it just is not coming), it just is not fun anymore. I don’t want to just shit out a post every day when I can take my time and give these topics the time, attention and clarity they deserve. I found myself saying this after beating myself up over writing about the drumming class I had with Puck and the rest of the Crux Ansata gang a couple weeks ago.

A Sense of Obligation
I want to share with you a letter I recently received involving a very popular article of mine:
You implied in your article on obtaining HRT relatively easily that you were not being helpful. I want to tell you that you are mistaken. This is probably the most realistic and certainly the most encouraging information that I’ve managed to find so far. Thank very much. I mean it. After years of postponing dealing with my gender identity I’ve finally come to the conclusion that I have no choice but to deal with it and you’ve helped me.
I like receiving fan mail like this. True, the hate mail and dissenting comments make me think about my position and make me argue it that much more strongly (or abandon it for pretty good reasons), but sometimes, fan mail provides that ego boost that you sometimes need. One thing that fan mail does, however, is it provides for a sense of obligation – people are actually reading this stuff I write! This is a concept that is still foreign to me, despite the fact that I have been blogging for years. It means that when I write, I have to make sure that it’s true, that it helps the reader in some way and that they have a desire to learn more, despite acquiring new information.
It is also this sense of obligation that means that if I want to write, I should write well. I cannot do that every day if I am not feeling it. I wish I were, because I have several series and posts that I want to finish up and make available but I am just not feeling it. I apologize for not having the ability to get these posts done today, yesterday, the day before… you get the idea. I am committing to posting quality content over quantity. Maybe I might wind up striking a balance a la Bryan Veloso of Avalonstar fame…
Quantity over qualityRaw over refined.
These posts, my dear visitor, are part of an experiment. An experiment to get me to write again—aboutanything. So no matter what interest group of mine you hail from, there’s bound to be something that will entertain, humor or slightly offend you.
If not? By all means ask me to write about it.
Maybe I might do that one day. Not now, though.