On Writer’s Block

It’s not like I do not have good ideas, in my drafts folder is over a hundred (seriously!) drafts of posts that I want to write about.

It’s not like I do not have the time, my computer is simply doing six months worth of updates so while it is doing that, I am just waiting around for my computer to download the new updates, as well as the Adobe Creative Suite (so far, all I’ve downloaded is Photoshop, 40% of Illustrator is downloaded and I still have several more apps to download, including Premiere Pro, After Effects, InDesign, Fireworks, Audition, SpeedGrade, Prelude and Acrobat) and I should be writing…

It’s that I am not feeling it. I have writer’s block.

Now, I think it could be caused by my trying to post once a day, every day – even to the point of forcing myself to post (which is not a good thing when it just is not coming), it just is not fun anymore. I don’t want to just shit out a post every day when I can take my time and give these topics the time, attention and clarity they deserve. I found myself saying this after beating myself up over writing about the drumming class I had with Puck and the rest of the Crux Ansata gang a couple weeks ago.

A Sense of Obligation

I want to share with you a letter I recently received involving a very popular article of mine:

You implied in your article on obtaining HRT relatively easily that you were not being helpful. I want to tell you that you are mistaken. This is probably the most realistic and certainly the most encouraging information that I’ve managed to find so far. Thank very much. I mean it. After years of postponing dealing with my gender identity I’ve finally come to the conclusion that I have no choice but to deal with it and you’ve helped me.

I like receiving fan mail like this. True, the hate mail and dissenting comments make me think about my position and make me argue it that much more strongly (or abandon it for pretty good reasons), but sometimes, fan mail provides that ego boost that you sometimes need. One thing that fan mail does, however, is it provides for a sense of obligation – people are actually reading this stuff I write! This is a concept that is still foreign to me, despite the fact that I have been blogging for years. It means that when I write, I have to make sure that it’s true, that it helps the reader in some way and that they have a desire to learn more, despite acquiring new information.

It is also this sense of obligation that means that if I want to write, I should write well. I cannot do that every day if I am not feeling it. I wish I were, because I have several series and posts that I want to finish up and make available but I am just not feeling it. I apologize for not having the ability to get these posts done today, yesterday, the day before… you get the idea. I am committing to posting quality content over quantity. Maybe I might wind up striking a balance a la Bryan Veloso of Avalonstar fame…

Quantity over quality. Raw over refined.
These posts, my dear visitor, are part of an experiment. An experiment to get me to write again—aboutanything. So no matter what interest group of mine you hail from, there’s bound to be something that will entertain, humor or slightly offend you.
If not? By all means ask me to write about it.

Maybe I might do that one day. Not now, though.

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Struggling

I guess all I have to do to get myself to go back to blogging on a regular basis is to say I'm not going to do it for a while.
I'm in the process of trying to write a book.  I am n page 42.  The problem is that I have been on page 42 for the last two weeks.  I'm going through yet another bout of writers block.  I'm struggling with self-doubt.  I feel like I'm no good and I've lost momentum.  I feel disconnected from the story and I'm struggling with finding a way back to it.  I've thought about reading what I've wrote so far, but I know it's awful (a first draft isn't supposed to be great) and I fear it will only make it worse.  I start the day thinking I'll write and then do all I can to avoid doing it.
Part of the problem is that my writing course is over and now I feel lost.  I feel like without the course, I will have no way to learn the craft.  I have no idea what I'm doing.  The thing is, you either have it or you don't and I'm afraid I don't.  I have book upon book about writing that cover topics like, writing from life, writing great fiction, scene and setting, elements of style, editing your own work and a half dozen of writing magazines. I am so desperate to learn how to do it right (as if talent can be taught) and I feel ill-equipped to be taking on the task of writing a book.
My teacher says to just keep writing.  She says to get the story down and worry about how well written it is later.  I know I should be taking her advise, but it's easier said than done. 

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Writer’s Block

I don’t think I have writer’s block in the traditional sense. I know what I want to say, it comes out as I type and I’d like to think what I write isn’t pure crap. It’s the getting started that’s hard. And continuing. I’ll plan to write and come up with a million things I’d rather read instead, so I just waste hours reading when I could be writing something.

I forget which interview with the artist Linder Sterling this was (it wasn’t the one with Morrissey featured in Interview Magazine which was wonderful to read), but she said somewhere that being creative can’t be scheduled. Unfortunately working a day job, I have to schedule my “creativity” around that which I think is part of the problem. If only I could be one of those people living in their parents’ basements! F. Scott Fitzgerald wrote This Side of Paradise in his mother’s attic. Just kidding, having developed some life skills from living on my own will benefit me whether or not I ever do become an author.

Anyway- I actually have begun a novel I intend to complete. I just need to find something within me to give me that final push to actually do that.

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Writer's block?

I’m going through something of a weird patch at the moment. I began work on my first book Elimante the Impossible in March 2007 and it was published just under a year later. Then in 2009, 2010 and 2011 I have brought out books. 2012 will be the first year that I have not brought out a book since I started and it feels odd.

    What shall I do next?

It’s not as if I've given up writing in 2012. If you look at my bibliography you will see that I have written five articles (all of which were published) and have edited the book of another author. I have today completed the first draft of an article that I really hope will make it into the Sherlock Holmes Journal in 2013. So I've not been idle.

Yet I do feel a little lazy. True, I have started work on another book but I have not touched it for months. Perhaps I just needed a year off the book writing treadmill or is it that my blog has consumed more of my time than it should? Who knows?

2013 is shaping up to be a very busy year outside of Sherlockiana. Let’s just hope it leaves me time to make it to book number five. Five is my lucky number after all. 

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